Poetic ramblings

Do Not Say You Know Me

2009-08-13T03:24:00.001+01:00

Do not say you know me,
Just because I bear your genes.
Do not say you know me,
Just because you watched my teens.

From as young as seven
I was taught to tell untruths
When I reached eleven
I reached outside for a sooth

Do not say you know me,
Just because I lived with you
Do not say you know me,
Just because the years accrue,

When I was young you taught deceit
You told me white lies were harmless
And week after week you made me repeat
That soon I could lie with finesse

Do not say you know me
Though you can say you love
Do not say you know me
If you know of the past I speak of

I bear scars from those days
5 years don't just disappear
your eyes please unglaze
and listen to me hear

Do not say you know me
For I know well that you don't
Do not say you know me
For the me you know has flown.

In the Halls of Learning

2009-02-18T17:59:00.003Z

The sky is a greyish white
like the shutters over the window,
I look towards the hazy light
wishing I was out below

Away from this high-walled hall
and out where the sky is blue,
Having fun to nature's call
absorbing warmth from the spring sun's hue.

Far away from lectures of lasers
or even semiconductors and nanostructures,
I'd rather be paddling in rivers
or scaling magestic rock structures.

Looking over fields and flowers
Feeling the breeze on exposed skin,
Living life like first time lovers
Frolicking free with my heart's kin.

Enjoying the smells of grassy spring
of flowers and fruits and morning dew,
Listening to flying birds chirp and sing
As the dawn sun starts the day anew.

In time

2007-05-09T22:31:00.001+01:00

A bird in a cage
Empty words on a page
The passing of an age
A life on a stage
A desire to disengage

House of Flying Daggers

2007-04-28T23:28:00.000+01:00

White snow floating down
Blood drops scattered all around
One person will die.

A love not returned
A life given to protect
A helpless soul weeps.

Berbual..

2007-03-22T00:44:00.001Z

Sampai senja kita berbual
Emosi berkucak-kacik

aku merindukan si tanahair
peristiwa tujuh bulan lalu
risau yang dia sudah lupakanku
Engkau cuba memeriahkanku
dengan tiada jayanya
air mataku menitik untuknya
untuknya yang tidak mengingatiku

Soalan yang bermain dalam hatiku
engkau tiba-tiba tanya
soalan yang sepatutnya disimpan selama-lamanya
Hal ini bukan mainan.
mengapa engkau tanya? mengapa?
Mindaku mungkin hendakanmu...
tapi hakikatknya lain
Aku menyukaimu...... bukan mencintai..
Lima bulan tertinggal..
Lebih baik untuk kita kekal sahaja..
sebagai sahabat.

Lima bulan...
sebelum aku kembali kepada si tanahair
banyak soalan yang kutanyakan
soalan yang akan disimpan sahaja.
Aku harus lupakannya...
tapi itu mustahil...
Hatiku berdebar mengingatinya

get publishing...

2007-03-21T03:00:00.001Z

Putting my views in the line of fire
Out for all to shame or admire
Hoping the words will somehow inspire
Someone somewhere away in some shire

My words may never carry weight
They will just lie quietly and await
For a day when someone may yet relate
And let the world know of theo the great.

Do as you do

2007-03-08T21:56:00.000Z

You do as you do
I do as I do
Can we do as we do
Without the big ado?
-
You've made your decision
on a judgement of mine
I don't question your vision
Just don't act divine
-
I know that you're cross
I don't give a toss
Keep up the sauce
Its all at your loss
-
Stay mad at me
Split up our friends
If you can't let things be
I'm not making amends
-
You have your tantrum
I'll keep my peace
This is no conundrum
It's yours to cease

No End.

2007-03-07T00:50:00.000Z

Lines of poetry run through my head
Most get drowned but some will escape
Where they come from no one knows
They multiply when rationale is dead
When despair drapes like a heavy cape
When hope is gone but the end's not close

Life goes on and on and on and on
round and round in an endless wheel
Trap are we in birth and death
Continue we must from dusk to dawn
Underneath the heavy samsara seal
No freedom at the dying breath.

Clouds

2007-03-06T15:30:00.001Z

Dark clouds are looming and the rain will pour
Despair creeps up and knocks on the door
Grey sky opens up and rivers swell
tide of hopelessness floods where she dwell

Where once was air now lies water
What once was sweet now tastes bitter
A necklace floats by with a broken clasp
Her dreams escape and flies from her grasp

Will the rain bring mud along with the flood?
Does she pay for her past its price in blood?
Will the water wane and just leave a stain
And she continues to live her life of pain.

Temptation of the knife

2007-02-20T01:07:00.000Z

The temptation of temporarily relieve
Harming oneself out of desperation
Escaping into physical pain

Knowing it doesn't help but
Needing to modify the grieve
In any way to vent the frustration
Finding it hard to abstain
Emotions escaping with a cut

Imagination

2007-02-03T22:26:00.000Z

In a land of green sky and blue earth
Lay a ring of metal pure and nameless
Owned by one but claimed by none
Valantly defended by one with shields
Enclosed in safety upon a berth
Yearning for blessings from the blameless
Offering itself to that which begun
Under green sky within white fields

choices

2006-12-20T20:44:00.001Z

so many things i want to say
yet when i saw him earlier today
fingers tripped and the words were lost
i could not keep the tears at bay
to stay or not the choice is mine
either way the future is fine
for every move there is a cost
if only he could give me a sign

crybaby

2006-12-16T21:41:00.000Z

Its nightime and I'm thinking of you
watching anime and feeling so blue
A thorn in the side a cloud in the sky
a figment of my imagination that can never come true
Wishes and dreams both bitter and sweet
Memories of lust that make my heart beat
No questions asked, no what or why
avoid talk of the future cause it just isn't neat.

2006-11-27T00:36:00.000Z

why do you let yourself wander
aimlessly within four walls
why don't you let me enter
why can't you let me in

you got that sweet smile in the morning in the midst of the test tubes
you are all perky and happy but you can't hide those swollen eyes
you are sad i know it but i don't know why

why single but unavailable
give me an explanation, why
why don't you let me enter
why can't you let me in

i want to be by your side away from labs and microscopes
i want to get to know you and banish those nightime tears
i wish i knew.. who or what or how

Sweet Sorrow 2

2006-09-07T20:21:00.000+01:00

A kiss in the car
The best she's had
They shouldn't have allowed it
and they both knew it
Sweet sorrow, sweet sweet sorow.

A crush, he says
A crush, she utters
Admitting feelings, denying the depth
common interests, coincidences
Sweet sorrow, sweet sweet sorrow.

No one knows if they were thinking
of the sorrowful reality that laid close by
It was only sweetness that they were tasting
as they kissed again beneath the sky.

reality is cruel
Cruelty is real
she'll spend summer in denial
and autumn alone
Sweet sorrow, sweet sweet sorrow

they hid their feelings
from all they knew
now one is in austria
and the other at home
sweet sorrow, sweet sweet sorrow

Ten months apart
Toughen thee heart
Remain as friends
keep up the pretence
sweet sorrow, sweet sweet sorrow.

No one knows if they were thinking
Of the sorrowful reality that laid close by
It was only sweetness that they were tasting
as they kissed again beneath the sk.

ten months apart
toughen the heart
remain as friends
keep up the pretence.......

Rest of the blog:
hrmph... i dunno what's come over me... i've got a feeling that by the end of this trip, i'd have write a dozen versions of 'Sweet sorrow' hahaha.. one day i may put one of them to a tune maybe... but that day isn't close. Got no instruments close enough to use.. haha..

Sweet Sorrow 1

2006-09-06T14:26:00.000+01:00

Sweet Sorrow
A love that can't be
We're too far to see
What are we to each other?

Sweet sorrow
A long time apart
Tears fall from the heart
What do these feelings mean?

Sweet Sorrow
Happiness and pain
Shared intimacy
Unexpected Sweetness
Unexpected Sorrow

Sweet sorrow
Love not intended
Feelings so confused
Time too short to do anything

Sweet Sorrow
You know I'd say no
So you didn't ask
But you threw me a curved ball

Sweet Sorrow
Happiness and pain
Shared intimacy
Unexpected sweetness
Unexpected sorrow...

Gasing Race

2006-09-05T20:06:00.000+01:00

5-9-06

Lightly tanned ochre
and many shades of green
Black and orange spider
Looking so very mean

Running through the jungle
missing all the sights
step through man made rubble
to see nature's light

Pain, thirst and breathlessness
To each their own limit
Away from city restlessness
Yourself you want to beat

You hear wind rushing past
Leaves fall as you run
You don't want to be last
Yet you want to have fun

Trail running is therapy
An escape from life
A way out of the tragedy
Of today's modern strife

Heavy thuds or light footfalls
One race for many ages
The shrill sound of adrenaline calls
for more speed from the racers

The finish line is near
The timers sit by quietly
the crowd starts to cheer
Who is that?

Disclaimer: The writer wasn't actually at the end of the race.. so all that part is just well... hearsay and imagination. The writer wasn't racing either.. but she did fall in love with trail running during that race. =)

haiku: blah....

2006-04-30T11:19:00.000+01:00

looking at the knife
sharp dangerous and lethal
it is so tempting

i want it to end
but that is not possible
nothing i can do

study and prepare
i cannot stand the pressure
the stress gets to me

but go on i must
stop crying, must stop crying
have to stop crying

what can i do now
first i have to stop crying
and then go to sleep

2006-04-07T01:26:00.000+01:00

I'd understand if you'd like to know
if i loved you, why i forgo
if i'm asked to explain i won't say no
that much and more, to you i owe

why did this relationship have to break
why do we have to go through this ache
was everything we did a big mistake
did i truly have to press the brake?

never meant to be

2006-04-02T03:29:00.000+01:00

no it was never meant to be
this love between you and me
friends around us could all forsee
that we would break up eventually

we tried our best not to let it fall
put in what we could, gave it our all
i tried, i did, i wanted to stall
when it could not last, i made the call

i'm sorry i have to make you suffer
i hope you'll realise that this is better
maybe one day we'll again share laughter
for tears cannot last forever

summer is coming, you'll see me again
whatever you do, don't bring me more pain
don't be surprise if tears flow like rain
if and when you ask me to explain

Afraid

2006-03-31T13:59:00.000+01:00

Afraid of what the future will bring
afraid that love will again take hold
to the past that one of us may cling
to overcome it i have to be bold

spring is coming and summer is next
home i will fly and him i will face
talk we must and not with text
can i answer his questions with grace

can i explain and will he accept
that love isn't and wasn't enough
the tides of distance efficiently swept
the threads that held us, as light as fluff

active in scouts I still plan to be
though scouts is his inseperable brother
what will than become of me
can I have one and not the other.

scar tissue

2006-03-23T12:59:00.000Z

hearts get broken, hearts get healed
life goes on and nothings revealed
wounds will open, but they get scabed
someone comes along and give it a stab

rich and red the sea of blood
tears are shed, the world will flood
by and bye the tide will wane
hormones reabsorbed, the brain will reign

time will heal, time will forget
for some 'friends', that is a threat
listen not their words of subversion
they only serve to cause distraction

love doesn't fade, it changes form
and its not wrong, its just the norm
no one knows if it will revert
but do or don't, there will be hurt

to ask how he is, would be too rude
at this time, i should not intrude
i hope he heals and stop aching
but i cannot know, i never should

time will heal and healing needs time
to disrupt that process is a grevious crime
but i did, and i pay the price
my heart got caught on a workbench vise.

sonnet : no title

2005-07-10T13:59:00.000+01:00

I feel for you what is hard to describe,
It comes from this place I may call my heart,
Keep this parchment for on it I inscribe
Some thoughts I leave you before we must part,
My love for you flows as it knows no end,
My commitment to you will never wane,
We will be together, we will not bend,
Our ties to each other as strong as cane,
Fate brought us together, love pulled us close,
Apart we will be but the love remain,
As prove I give you these words I compose
I trust you with them, this blood from my vein,
Fourteen months apart, I will remain true,
I love you dearly, tell me you will too.

Written on or around 10 July 2005

A Perfect Fit

2005-05-14T13:59:00.000+01:00

Day by day I watch time pass,
I know for sure our love will last,
Even as I lodge in his country of Brits,
You will forever be my perfect fit.

There's 22 days more left to wait,
Before the dawning of the date,
I can hardly wait to be by your side,
To bask in the love that you provide.

I send you but a little bit,
A card not mine, some words I writ,
Beyond time and space I'm sure you admit,
That.... We Are A Perfect Fit

Bored during lectures

2005-03-07T12:59:00.000Z

If I were a witch a spell I'd cast,
For her mouth to bleed and her heart to rust,
For her bladder to fill and flow with pus,
And last of all for her voice to crust.

The more she talks the worse she'll feel,
It'll start by her feeling just a little ill,
No tree or leaf will help her heal,
No herb or drug, no miracle pill.

At first she'll think she's got the scurvee,
But no fruit can help, no vitamin cee,
Her heart will be afflicted with an unknown malady,
It will go hot and cold, and the inside - rusty.

A U-T-I she will next beget,
The pain she feels she will never forget,
At the end of the day, she'll really regret,
The day she came and made me see red.

Alas. It is only a tale I tell,
For I am no witch and can cast no spell,
Her voice intrudes like a loud clanging bell,
But all I can do is wait out this hell.

Unnamed, Unfinished, 16/11/04-17/11/04

2004-11-11T23:59:00.000Z

16/11/04:
Human Warmth is what I need,
Sitting here by the comps at Leeds
Watching friends & the world go round
as i do the work to which i am bound

A train of thought I do not have
I am drained till there's nothing left
my friends and work to keep me sane
but they do nothing to keep away pain

17/11/04:
A day has past and I am back
writing stupid rhymes that meaning lack
Listening to lectures but not hearing
Looking at slides but not seeing.

Emotionless and blank and cold as well
I sit in a lecture and wait for the bell
I am so exhausted that I could slip
within a few seconds into a deep sleep.

Found on 9/6/06 while packing, scribbled on some lecture notepaper.

May you dream

2004-09-28T13:59:00.000+01:00

02/09/04

May you dream happy dreams for the whole of this night
If sad thoughts come near do try to fight
Do not think of me leaving for hurt it might
But when love comes in the future, please hang on tight.

May you dream of memories that are a joy,
Your favourite activities or a fond toy,
Do not think too much, leave responsibilities be,
Live your life as a scout should, a life pure and free.

May you dream of scouting, the past and the future,
Of expeditions and kemborees, or a great campfire
3 years over yonder, a scout you’ll still be
whereabout I will wander, I cannot forsee

28/09/04
While I wish you the best for all of your dreams
My own comes not in happy themes
Bittersweet they are, my dream of you,
For the memories always leave me numb and blue.

Written before august 2004

2004-08-01T01:59:00.000+01:00

Unknown

May you dream of fairy tales with its castles and all
With knights and squires and towers standing tall
May you dream of a princess who is in love with thee,
As I dream, in my slumber of a prince who loves me.

May the prince bear your name as the princess bears mine
May the friendship develop and slowly, love bind.
In the years, over yonder, we know not what may,
But I am content with this tale on this hot stuffy day

26 May 2003

2003-05-26T22:50:00.000+01:00

This is one poem that i DO NOT remember writing at all!!!

Do you remember your first heartbreak?
The pain, the hurt, the grieve, the ache?
The feeling of loss which is so great
Your tears keep falling as you break

The tears won't come until he is gone
And it will last all the way till dawn
But yet, you're thankful that he was born
For he'll remain with you, as your first-love-thorn

Memories of that day will not be clear
How you survived it you'll never be sure
My memory of it is still incomplete
For as I write this, I'm experiencing it.

Trust

2002-04-28T00:59:00.000+01:00

Trust is something which must be earned
Especially from your own children
It comes slowly, but it can fly
Oh, it can disappear in the blink of an eye

Under pain of death you must not break
Any word you made, or anything you said
For faith can shatter, as easily as glass
When you show that your words will never last

Thorn amongst Roses

2002-03-27T12:59:00.000Z

How unfair can this country be
that a lesser speaker can be chosen over me
It was clear for the whole team to see
The injstice that was done to me

Why him from amongst the lot of us all
Why him we ask when they made that call
Was it because he was so tall
Or was it because he could speak at all

You could call him a thorn amongst roses
he was the only malay between the rest of us
The call for him was made because
He was the only thron amongst the roses

Egg first or chicken first?

2001-08-08T13:59:00.000+01:00

Competition detail:
You need to write an essay of about 100 words. End your essay wiith... "and that's proof that the chicken came before the egg"

Competition entry:
Egg first or chickent first? a millennia old catch 22 argument which has been disputed over and over throughout the years. To settle the argument, I lay down the following facts.

The egg came first
Some will say
But the chicken came first
By the river Tay

The egg will not hatch
By the freezing river
Unless there's a chicken
to highten the temperature

The egg needs a guardian
for protection and warmth
and that the chicken provides
beneath its motherly form

Without the chicken
the egg will not survive
the egg will not hatch
if it is deprived

and that's proof that the chicken came before the egg.

Drip, drip.

2001-07-26T17:07:00.000+01:00

Drip, drip, the sound of rain reaching the ground,
Like tears from the sky it comes pouring
accompanied with strong winds which change directions
It comes in a rush with hardly any warning.
undated, 2001

Drip, drip, the rain comes through the tattered roof
and collects on the ceiling
The dirty droplets seep through the ceiling beams
and suddenly, it's raining in my home

Drip, drip, my mattress gets soak
and I move important things out.
Soon, it starts pouring
Right here, in my room.

Drip drip, the sound of rain reaching the ground, like tears from the sky it comes pouring
accompanied with strong winds which change directions
It comes in a rush with hardly any warning.

Pappi!

2001-07-04T13:10:00.000+01:00

For my dad's birthday

You were my first love
when i was five,
i wanted someone like you
under which I would thrive

You were my answering machine,
When I was seven;
You were the answer to everything,
To which I could question.

When I was nine,
You were an irritant;
Everything was a game
but you never waited your turn.

When I was twelve
you were a disciplinarian;
I hated you a lot
I thought you were an alien

When I was forteen,
You were my idol
I wanted to be like you
althought i am a girl.

Now I am sixteen
as mature as can be;
Happy Birthday Pappi
Hugs & Kisses from me!

Mr. Chin

2001-06-05T13:59:00.000+01:00

Birthday Poem for a beloved Teacher.
(composed last minute before literature class to put into his B'day card)

Whether or not your Birthday is tomorrow
I'm not even that sure
I just assumed its the sixth of June
as stated on your I/C number.

Even if it's not as I thought it was
I still wish you a very happy birthday
Whenever it is, wherever it is
I hope you enjoy the day

You've only taught me from January to May
I started five months before today
But in time so short, you've taught me a lot
More than I can ever repay

No matter how bad this poem suck
I hope it won't end up in a rubbish truck
Keep it somewhere so that you remember
This student of yours forever and ever

Happy Birthday Mr. Chin
Thank you for Teaching Me.

Tuesday Morning, 4 BR

2001-05-26T13:59:00.000+01:00

Unamed, undated, year 2001

Today is a beautiful day
brightened by the sun, cooled by the winds.
But it is spoilt by the monotone of school
rushin in and out,
waiting for the next class
From the physics test, to the biology lab
And than to class for a period of E math.

English is taught by a young lady teacher,
a very sweet girl, who smiles all the time
But she thinks in malay and teaches us english,
her grammar is unruly, her accent - a monotone.

She's teaching us literature, a new component
a new syllabus, started last year
Everyone is making noise, the guys are restless
People are asking questions, for me, I'm bored.
I'm not listening, instead I'm here
writing this composition, albeit a poor one

The literature is done, and there's time to spare
We're singing nursery rhymes and than come some games
'win, lose or draw' is next on the line
Everyone is happy, I'm no longer bored
For an english teacher, she's mediocre
but, i admit she's a nice girl
I wish very much, she teachers something else
english is not a subject to which she's suited.

class is ended, next is math
This poem stops here, a poor one it is
Written when I'm bored of analysing poems
It is ironic that I should write this
at a time when I should've been studying literature.

2nd Poem in my portfolio..

2000-11-19T12:59:00.000Z

Mothers

18/11/2000-19/11/2000

I'm going to be sixteen,
but to my mum, I'm not even a teen;
She treats me like a baby,
of just about the age of three;
I know a lot of it is concern,
but, she's getting a bit too persistent!

To a friend's house 300 metres away I'd like to walk,
but my mum's reaction is to turn cobalt;
She'd rather drive me there,
than to let me walk anywhere;
I know she's afraid I'd meet a kidnapper,
but it's wrong to cut off my flying feather.

Ever since I was born I've enjoyed camping,
but my mum finds that extremely worrying;
She worries about this, and she worries about that,
she'd like to come with me, imagine that!
Camping in the jungle, I find that safest,
my mum would never follow because of the leeches.

There are many other things that I can write about,
but it's time for dinner and my dad's shouting out loud;
Treat me like an adult, I wish my mother can,
but I know in my heart, this treatment'll never end;
Thank you for reading this, you are so kind,
I have but one question, are all mothers like mine?

First Poem I Ever Wrote: Title: I Wish

2000-11-17T12:59:00.000Z

I Wish

Sitting here in the middle of the night,
I wish you were by my side;
You may not remember it;
but to me, the memory is sweet;
On the 18^th of May, Y2K,
I was angry at someone that day;
I needed someone to talk to,
and that person turned out to be you;
You were the only person who understood my feelings,
all the while that we were talking;
What I feel now is probably puppy love,
but in my heart, it's real enough;
It does not matter what happens in the future
but right now, I wish we're together