choices

so many things i want to say
yet when i saw him earlier today
fingers tripped and the words were lost
i could not keep the tears at bay
to stay or not the choice is mine
either way the future is fine
for every move there is a cost
if only he could give me a sign

crybaby

Its nightime and I'm thinking of you
watching anime and feeling so blue
A thorn in the side a cloud in the sky
a figment of my imagination that can never come true
Wishes and dreams both bitter and sweet
Memories of lust that make my heart beat
No questions asked, no what or why
avoid talk of the future cause it just isn't neat.

why do you let yourself wander
aimlessly within four walls
why don't you let me enter
why can't you let me in

you got that sweet smile in the morning in the midst of the test tubes
you are all perky and happy but you can't hide those swollen eyes
you are sad i know it but i don't know why

why single but unavailable
give me an explanation, why
why don't you let me enter
why can't you let me in

i want to be by your side away from labs and microscopes
i want to get to know you and banish those nightime tears
i wish i knew.. who or what or how

Sweet Sorrow 2

A kiss in the car
The best she's had
They shouldn't have allowed it
and they both knew it
Sweet sorrow, sweet sweet sorow.

A crush, he says
A crush, she utters
Admitting feelings, denying the depth
common interests, coincidences
Sweet sorrow, sweet sweet sorrow.

No one knows if they were thinking
of the sorrowful reality that laid close by
It was only sweetness that they were tasting
as they kissed again beneath the sky.

reality is cruel
Cruelty is real
she'll spend summer in denial
and autumn alone
Sweet sorrow, sweet sweet sorrow

they hid their feelings
from all they knew
now one is in austria
and the other at home
sweet sorrow, sweet sweet sorrow

Ten months apart
Toughen thee heart
Remain as friends
keep up the pretence
sweet sorrow, sweet sweet sorrow.

No one knows if they were thinking
Of the sorrowful reality that laid close by
It was only sweetness that they were tasting
as they kissed again beneath the sk.

ten months apart
toughen the heart
remain as friends
keep up the pretence.......

Rest of the blog:
hrmph... i dunno what's come over me... i've got a feeling that by the end of this trip, i'd have write a dozen versions of 'Sweet sorrow' hahaha.. one day i may put one of them to a tune maybe... but that day isn't close. Got no instruments close enough to use.. haha..

Sweet Sorrow 1

Sweet Sorrow
A love that can't be
We're too far to see
What are we to each other?

Sweet sorrow
A long time apart
Tears fall from the heart
What do these feelings mean?

Sweet Sorrow
Happiness and pain
Shared intimacy
Unexpected Sweetness
Unexpected Sorrow

Sweet sorrow
Love not intended
Feelings so confused
Time too short to do anything

Sweet Sorrow
You know I'd say no
So you didn't ask
But you threw me a curved ball

Sweet Sorrow
Happiness and pain
Shared intimacy
Unexpected sweetness
Unexpected sorrow...

Gasing Race

5-9-06

Lightly tanned ochre
and many shades of green
Black and orange spider
Looking so very mean

Running through the jungle
missing all the sights
step through man made rubble
to see nature's light

Pain, thirst and breathlessness
To each their own limit
Away from city restlessness
Yourself you want to beat

You hear wind rushing past
Leaves fall as you run
You don't want to be last
Yet you want to have fun

Trail running is therapy
An escape from life
A way out of the tragedy
Of today's modern strife

Heavy thuds or light footfalls
One race for many ages
The shrill sound of adrenaline calls
for more speed from the racers

The finish line is near
The timers sit by quietly
the crowd starts to cheer
Who is that?

Disclaimer: The writer wasn't actually at the end of the race.. so all that part is just well... hearsay and imagination. The writer wasn't racing either.. but she did fall in love with trail running during that race. =)

haiku: blah....

looking at the knife
sharp dangerous and lethal
it is so tempting

i want it to end
but that is not possible
nothing i can do

study and prepare
i cannot stand the pressure
the stress gets to me

but go on i must
stop crying, must stop crying
have to stop crying

what can i do now
first i have to stop crying
and then go to sleep

I'd understand if you'd like to know
if i loved you, why i forgo
if i'm asked to explain i won't say no
that much and more, to you i owe

why did this relationship have to break
why do we have to go through this ache
was everything we did a big mistake
did i truly have to press the brake?

never meant to be

no it was never meant to be
this love between you and me
friends around us could all forsee
that we would break up eventually

we tried our best not to let it fall
put in what we could, gave it our all
i tried, i did, i wanted to stall
when it could not last, i made the call

i'm sorry i have to make you suffer
i hope you'll realise that this is better
maybe one day we'll again share laughter
for tears cannot last forever

summer is coming, you'll see me again
whatever you do, don't bring me more pain
don't be surprise if tears flow like rain
if and when you ask me to explain

Afraid

Afraid of what the future will bring
afraid that love will again take hold
to the past that one of us may cling
to overcome it i have to be bold

spring is coming and summer is next
home i will fly and him i will face
talk we must and not with text
can i answer his questions with grace

can i explain and will he accept
that love isn't and wasn't enough
the tides of distance efficiently swept
the threads that held us, as light as fluff

active in scouts I still plan to be
though scouts is his inseperable brother
what will than become of me
can I have one and not the other.

scar tissue

hearts get broken, hearts get healed
life goes on and nothings revealed
wounds will open, but they get scabed
someone comes along and give it a stab

rich and red the sea of blood
tears are shed, the world will flood
by and bye the tide will wane
hormones reabsorbed, the brain will reign

time will heal, time will forget
for some 'friends', that is a threat
listen not their words of subversion
they only serve to cause distraction

love doesn't fade, it changes form
and its not wrong, its just the norm
no one knows if it will revert
but do or don't, there will be hurt

to ask how he is, would be too rude
at this time, i should not intrude
i hope he heals and stop aching
but i cannot know, i never should

time will heal and healing needs time
to disrupt that process is a grevious crime
but i did, and i pay the price
my heart got caught on a workbench vise.